I’m going to write something because I’d really like to return to blogging, but I’m out of practice. At a point, life just got too complicated to tell about. It’s not that the plot was so convoluted, more that the characters all got a little out of hand. But, we’re beyond that now, and in fact, the plot has also straightened itself out quite a bit.
I am a Master now. Finishing grad school has been a bit anticlimactic. It was wonderful to have the celebration in June, and I do feel done, for real. However, I now feel the weight of the Internship Development Program (IDP) and licensure bearing down on me. I have a job, which I am very happy about both because the economy is bad enough that it’s rare for a recent grad to be offered a job, and because said job is actually interesting and closely related to what I want to do in the long run. However, I’m acutely aware that it’s not a job that can get me closer to actually being an architect, and it’s not a job of the type for which I have been preparing myself for the last three and a half years. So, despite enjoying it, I very much am continuing to wonder, and occasionally actually work towards figuring out, what I will do next.
So, it’s portfolio making time. It’s time to organize a game plan for applications, to get recommendations in line, and to feel a little untethered from the future, which, as you know, I like to have some grasp on. All of that is fine: the portfolio is taking shape and I like where it’s going. The rest I can deal with, and may even enjoy. But, there’s one thing I’m really struggling with – where to be. Theoretically, I’m likely to move when I get a job in an architecture firm. My current plan is to first apply to the set of firms at which I would most like to work, which are primarily in cities on the west coast and in the UK. Here’s the issue, though. Rent runs out on the 15th of next month, and I’m not sure what to do at that point. I will almost certainly not have another job – fine, because my current job will still exist through January. But, do I move somewhere else in Eugene? I can, but I’m starting to feel like I want to move on sooner, rather than later, and not move all of my stuff just to move it again. I can’t really afford to move to one of the big west coast cities on my current salary, though, and that might also end up meaning that I move just to move again. I could see going home, but what about all of my stuff? Do I lighten my load of worldly possessions – can I afford to sell everything just to buy more things wherever I do settle next? And the same goes for moving back to Vermont, which I would love to do, but where I am unlikely to find a job, probably would have to pay some rent (unlike Florida), and where I would be split between friends in Burlington, Brattleboro, and Great Barrington, Mass. The reality there, too, is that I don’t know if any of those friends have the same spaces in their lives for me as I would like to imagine they do. Could any of them live with me on their couch/in their kitchen for any significant amount of time?
The likely answer – stay in Eugene. I’ll move soon enough to a new place, and in the mean time, didn’t I promise myself that I’d spend my time Being Here?
It’s one of those decisions that I keep coming back to, though. One of those unresolved questions that niggles me throughout the day, in part because it is unresolvable. Since it will be resolved in the next month, because someone else is taking over my house, I guess I just have to live through the uncertainty. Would that the plot were still twisting, not just aiming straight into the murk.
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On an entirely different note, played at Spawnfest this weekend, which was very good – both fun frisbee and fun time partying/hanging out with the teammates/laughing at Vern Fonk and Bawls and playing 20 questions. Excited to get into better shape, although somehow I keep missing my running dates and workout times. We went 6-1, but unfortunately the point differentials on Saturday put us into the B-bracket, so we only took 9th (out of 34? teams). Read a lot of the Huddle last night in an exited frenzy to get back to being really useful on the field.